Inspired to Write

Why am I so inspired to write? it's simple...God’s Word

I really don’t think I can ever grasp the weight of God’s word. In fact there are too many times I have thought to myself that I had it all figured out and I knew what the text was trying to say when all along I was missing it, especially when I read or listen to a sermon by John Piper or Jonathan Edwards.

I was the girl who would read God’s word and move to the next chapter. I have read more of the Bible this year in Hong Kong than definitely more than the past two years combined. I’m ashamed to say that but it’s the truth. The true sadness is that I have been reading it daily but have not been living a life directly affected by it. I wasn’t standing in worship singing “Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is to come,” and thinking of Isaiah 4 and Revelation 6 where the 6 winged creatures are described flying around the throne of God singing those same verses, and how men who have the honor of sitting in thrones bow before the Lord every time they hear that and place their own crowns on the floor in glory and Praise to the One who deserves all praise. Or I wasn’t thinking that when I sacrificed my time and energies and monies into the Church or a ministry that it should be the same kind of holy free willed offering that was given in the Old Testament. Or it wasn’t a sacrifice that I truly thought about and consecrated to make it worthy before the Lord as found in Leviticus, but a sacrifice I gave routinely.

Sometimes I find it ironic because I am reading through Numbers right now, and I just finish Genesis-Leviticus, and I keep thinking how stupid Israel is. You know? When are these people ever going to get it and why doesn’t God just kill them already? Why doesn’t Moses quit pleading for them and just say, ‘you’re right God kill them! Get it over with, they are sinful, disgusting, a disgrace, unworthy, ungrateful, and a wicked generation and they deserve to Die!’ Instead Moses keeps telling God, ‘Just wait Lord, they are your chosen people, they’re gonna get is soon and realize your grace.’ Because that is not what I’m thinking when I read those books. I’m thinking ok enough is enough God, when are you going to show your wrath, when are you going to get rid of this wicked generation? Come on God! I’m waiting!!!

The ironic truth is that I am Israel! I. AM. ISRAEL. I am the idiot who continues to sin; I’m the disgrace, disgusting, unworthy, ungrateful, and wicked person, yet I am not dead. I’m not dead yet, I should be dead, yet I’m alive. Jesus pleaded on my behalf at the cross and said, ‘God I know she is bad and all, but just listen to me! You can use her, don’t kill her, let her live, she’s gonna get it right just wait.’ And I’m living like stupid Israel; completely unaware of God’s grace and mercy He has shown upon me to allow me to live this long, and instead of getting it right I keep getting it wrong. I’m living a live with tomorrow already promised, not aware of the fragility of life and not with an urgency to seek to perfect my faith and allow Christ to work through me. So why doesn’t God just kill me then? Why does he choose to keep me around?
For His Name’s sake, and His glory.

“For my name’s sake I defer my anger, for the sake of my praise I refrain it from you, that I may not cut you off. Behold I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake I do it, for how should my name be profaned?
My Glory I will not give to another.”
Isaiah 48:9-11

You see this isn’t about me; it isn’t about Israel, it’s about God. It’s all about Him. I’ll say it again IT’S ALL ABOUT HIM. It’s His story, and I only have a small part, but sometimes I find myself trying to be like Israel and steal the show. God may be patient with me now but in the end He will show His wrath and do what is best for His glory and name. Whether that be Him being patient and perfecting my faith, or me dying and showing His justice.

I really hope that I live my life with the bigger picture in mind and live in such a way that the gospel is greater than me. I want to live my life ready to die at any moment, and see the bigger picture and end of this great Story, where every knee shall bow and tongue confess that He is Lord. I want to live my life, truly LIVE my life, one day at a time. So for now all I can do is try.

Monica Amanda Zuniga