Today

Today.
I'm not going to give a recap of the past three weeks or talk about all the adventures I went on, but let me just say that these past two months were hands down the funniest months I've had in Hong Kong for many reasons.

Now on to Today.
This morning I woke up and was hopeful that today would be different. I was anxious to feel Love and approval in my life again, and anxious to do something to honor and bring Him glory. Although these past two months have been great and fun, I have felt so defeated and as though I am being so selfish and doing nothing for His kingdom. I have felt so low and so useless, and no matter how hard I try, I keep feeling as though I am failing. I was asking why? I spend time in the word daily, I pray daily, I read books to further my faith, and I spend so much of my time, energy, and money into our students and people passing through Hong Kong, all in attempt to get approval by God, yet I felt so unfulfilled. Why?

Well today held the answer.
This morning at Church the second I began to sing and worship, I felt as though my sin and inability to please God were so heavy that the words from my lips could not reach his ears and that my sinful nature and heart was in the wrong place. I began to pray that the Lord would lift my burden, take mercy upon me, and speak to me today. I prayed that He would help me.

"For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do."
Galatians 5:17

"But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ. I fed you with milk, not solid food, for you were not ready for it. And even now you are not yet ready, for you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way? For when one says, "I follow Paul," and another, "I follow Apollos," are you not being merely human?"
1Corinthians 3:1-4

These were the scriptures Nathan preached and taught on today. After worship we had a young man give his testimony of living in China for the past two years. He talked about how his arrival at first was for selfish reasons that he could not see. He desired to do the Lords work, for everyone to see him and give him credit for living radically for Christ. He was trying so hard to make God proud, to make God happy, yet found himself failing. He spoke of how he realized that the only way he can please God is through obedience. The only way to obey God is know his commands, and the only way to know His commands is to know His word, and ultimately the only way to understand His word, is to know Him. He said this "The Lord desires us to know him to KNOW Him. His ministry will carry on with or without us, but our goal in life should be to know Him." “Do I really know Him?”
I began to see how I was that young man. I had come to China to do the Lords work, but I wanted so badly for everyone to see. I wanted to make the Lord proud and do all these works for Him so that he will love me, and all this time I was so blind and missing out. I wanted to see the fruits of my work, and boast in my heart of all the time I had put into the ministry and show others how it was blossoming. This desire, although it was for ministry, was not a desire of the Spirit. I was trying to gratify the desires of my flesh. My flesh wants to prove how I have done well by all my good works that prove it. But God only requires one thing, that I know Him. I have been seeking the wrong thing all along. I should have been seeking Him more that my seeking to do His work.

The word that Nathan brought from 1Corinthians really opened my eyes. Not only have I not been seeking God but I have been trying to act as though I know Him and His word so well, when I don't. I have been trying to see myself as spiritual, when I am not yet spiritual. I am behaving only as natural man does. It is so hard to admit that. To say that I am not spiritual enough, that I do not know the Bible enough, and that I do not know the Lord enough, but it is so freeing to admit it and attempt to know Him more through His word before it's too late. I don't want to try and please God by doing so many things here in Hong Kong, but I want to know Him more. I want to know His word more and I want to become more like Him. I want the last six months I have in Hong Kong to be about Him, and not about me. He will take care of His ministry, here in Hong Kong and wherever He leads me next.

Today was a day for the record books. A day where I vow to seek Him, and His word first. I want to be new. I want to be more like Christ. And it all starts today.

Monica Amanda Zuniga.